Not my Best Side - UA Fanthorpe
I
Not my best side,
I'm afraid.
The artist didn't
give me a chance to
Pose properly, and
as you can see,
Poor chap, he had
this obsession with
Triangles, so he
left off two of my
Feet. I didn't
comment at the time
(What, after all,
are two feet
To a monster?) but
afterwards
I was sorry for the
bad publicity.
Why, I said to
myself, should my conqueror
Be so
ostentatiously beardless, and ride
A horse with a
deformed neck and square hoofs?
Why should my
victim be so
Unattractive as to
be inedible,
And why should she
have me literally
On a string? I
don't mind dying
Ritually, since I
always rise again,
But I should have
liked a little more blood
To show they were
taking me seriously.
II
It's hard for a
girl to be sure if
She wants to be
rescued. I mean, I quite
Took to the dragon.
It's nice to be
Liked, if you know
what I mean. He was
So nicely physical,
with his claws
And lovely green
skin, and that sexy tail,
And the way he
looked at me,
He made me feel he
was all ready to
Eat me. And any
girl enjoys that.
So when this boy
turned up, wearing machinery,
On a really
dangerous horse, to be honest
I didn't much fancy
him. I mean,
What was he like
underneath the hardware?
He might have acne,
blackheads or even
Bad breath for all
I could tell, but the dragon--
Well, you could see
all his equipment
At a glance. Still,
what could I do?
The dragon got
himself beaten by the boy,
And a girl's got to
think of her future.
III
I have diplomas in
Dragon
Management and
Virgin Reclamation.
My horse is the
latest model, with
Automatic
transmission and built-in
Obsolescence. My
spear is custom-built,
And my prototype
armour
Still on the secret
list. You can't
Do better than me
at the moment.
I'm qualified and
equipped to the
Eyebrow. So why be
difficult?
Don't you want to
be killed and/or rescued
In the most
contemporary way? Don't
You want to carry
out the roles
That sociology and
myth have designed for you?
Don't you realize
that, by being choosy,
You are endangering
job prospects
In the spear- and
horse-building industries?
What, in any case,
does it matter what
You want? You're in
my way.
Analysis
Context
-Written by U.A
Fanthorpe, and published in
-Based on an 1870
painting by Paolo Uccelo. The painter obsessively used triangles throughout the
piece, indicating that he was a perfectionist rather than a realist, and
perhaps had OCD. He created spear lines with the storm clouds, giving the idea
that it was ordained by God.
-The original myth
is from a popular collection of Saint’s lives, written in the 13th Century
called ‘The Golden Legend’.
-The character’s
from the poem mutiny against their painter – their creator.
-The contrast of
the context behind the painting and the themes in the poem creates bathos, and
shows that in a way these characters are still alive, wittily pointed out by
the dragon – ‘I don’t mind dying ritually, since I always rise again’. These
characters, as part of an English aetiological myth, still impact people today
in the roles they have created within society. It shows that at its core,
society has not changed between the time the painting was created and the time
the poem was written. -Enjambment throughout the poem makes it conversational.
-Stanza voices:
Stanza 1 – the dragon, stanza 2 – the woman/princess, stanza 3 – the
man/rescuer
Stanza 1: The
dragon.
-The voice of the
dragon is intelligent, though somewhat vain – to use the colloquial term,
‘camp’.
-Intelligence –
sophisticated vocabulary.
-The dragon
actually has a voice, which is humorous and ridiculous in itself.
-Is mocking towards
the knight, the woman, and the painter and through that ridicules a central
myth to our society.
-Condescending
towards the artist – ‘poor chap’. Jokes about the obsession with triangles, and
the fact he is missing 2 feet.
-Buys into common
stereotypes – mocks the man being ‘ostentatiously beardless’ (not manly), the
woman being ‘unattractive as to be inedible’ (lacking in beauty), and questions
why he himself is not a fearsome dragon (‘why should she have me literally on a
string?’). He continues to mock his own divergence from the dragon stereotype
by saying ‘what, after all, are two feet to a monster?’.
-Rhetorical
questions matched with the satirically posed stereotypes make the reader
question the roles that society sets out for us.
-Satire on vanity:
it is odd that the vanity is not shown in the woman’s character, but rather in
the dragon’s.
-He treats himself
as a modern day celebrity – ‘I was sorry for the bad publicity’ – creating
bathos. However, the fact is that The dragon shouldn’t care about publicity –
in popular culture, he is the antagonist, a renowned figure symbolising evil.
This shows that society can blindly use stereotypes to create scapegoats,
without thinking about individuality.
-The dragon talks
about death light-heartedly, preventing the poem from losing its comedic
element. However, since it is not common to talk about the subject so easily –
‘I don’t mind dying/Ritually, since I always rise again’ – it retains the same
impact.
-But, the dragon
goes from talking about the woman in ‘And why should she have me literally/On a
string? I don’t mind dying/ritually, since I always rise again’ straight to
death, reflecting the societal view that the two are adjoined. In the painting,
she is offering the string to the man, who is saving her from temptation.
-‘But I should have
liked a little more blood/to show they were taking me seriously’ – the dragon
has been easily overpowered, belittling him.
Stanza 2, Woman:
-Typical
stereotyped modern day woman, though this clashes with the idea of a modest,
virginal princess, creating bathos through the subversion of the legend.
-The voice of the woman
is neither intelligent nor ladylike, though she is humorous in her lack of
propriety.
-A typical reader
will not like the character of the woman, as she is crass – ‘What was he like
underneath the hardware?’ – though this should make them uncomfortable as they
realise that they would otherwise be forcing her to fit into a specified gender
role.
-Subverts the
legend and social norms through being over sexualised, and wanting to stay with
the dragon, rather than go with the rescuer.
-Though it is
ironic and light hearted, the woman is self-obsessed. She is particularly
shallow, even more so than the dragon, focussing on physical appearance with
materialistic ideals – ‘lovely green skin’ and ‘sexy tail’.
-There are 3 levels
of irony in this
a. She wants to
stay with the dragon, which is given humanoid qualities
b. Innuendo
surrounding the dragon (bathos)
c. The dragon
doesn’t like her back
-She buys into
typical gender roles too, calling her rescuer ‘boy’ – links to ‘ostentatiously
bearded’, wanting the rescuer to have stereotypical masculinity.
-Unintelligent –
most of the humour is crude or sarcasm – ‘On a really dangerous horse’
-As a reader, we
have a dislike for the woman, as she is out of place (she is vulgar,
unintelligent, and shallow). Though she is brought up to be a princess, the
reality is that this is not possible – this is an issue that affects us even
today. Line ‘A girl’s got to think of her future’ links to a feminist
perspective.
-It is unclear as
to whether we laugh at her for being this way, or do we laugh because she has
not lived up to our expectations – do we want the princess to be entirely pure
or a modern day female idol?
Voice 3: The
Man/Rescuer
-The man can
basically be thought of as a representation of the patriarchy.
-The stanza begins
in the first person singular pronoun, showing that the man has little care for
anyone outside of himself.
-His horse becomes
a machine, rather than being a conscious being. Adds to the sense that the man
is entirely unfeeling.
-Immediately a
sense of male superiority – ‘Virgin reclamation’ alludes to the idea that he
alone can save the woman, and bring her back to her original value –
objectification of women.
-‘So why be
difficult?’ – the other 2 characters do not fit into his narrative. This breaks
the 4th wall.
-Bathos with the
juxtaposition of ‘diplomas’ to the classic tale and painting.
-‘Don’t you realise
that, by being choosy,/you are endangering job prospects/in the spear- and
horse-building industries?’ – this clearly says that by going against the
grain, the woman is ruining society. Common argument feminists face today.
-The man is happy
with his role, while nobody else is. This is because: he has the most power;
society favours men; the woman and the dragon are objectified; his mere role
makes him powerful, while he is not powerful himself – if he loses his position
and masculine role, he has nothing.